Blog of Chris

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKuv0Ebj59U[/youtube]

Double the speed, but the hilarity increased tenfold.

-C

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“I feel it is physical labor, and it would suck if I had to do [chores].”

In my random surfing of our beloved ‘net this evening, I happened to find myself looking up older artists on the iTunes store. Did you know Lisa Loeb released a children’s album in 2007 and sings “The Big Rock Candy Mountain” on it? (You may remember a rendition of the same song on the soundtrack of “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou a few years ago) Children’s music led me back to Barry Louis Polisar, and the store informed me that “I Eat Kids and Other Songs for Rebellious Children”, an album I used to own on 33, was released in 1974, probably a full decade before I started listening to it in the early 80’s.

So, browsing through Barry’s songs, I find all sorts of tracks that bring back childhood memories, such as “Shut Up in the Library”, “When Susie Sneezed” (A butterfly-effect-esque description of how wars start over trivial things… it makes a lot more sense in hindsight.), and “I Need You Like a Donut Needs a Hole.” If you have the means, I highly suggest you listen to a few of these classic Polisar tracks.

Back to the title of the post, I was amazed that I still had the lyrics memorized to some of these songs. “I’ve Got a Teacher, She’s So Mean” is one where Barry goes into gibberish mode, and I knew the gibberish, word for word. It’s amazing what your mind retains. “She said what is the answer to number two? I said “Ock Nock Diddy Wock Dicky Picky Poo” Much like Dr. Seuss, he is able to make creative rhymes by just making up words. Brilliant.

-C

P.S. Here are the complete lyrics to “I’ve Got a Teacher, She’s So Mean.”

I’ve got a teacher, she’s so mean,
She never laughs, she always screams,
She says, “Pay attention and do what I said,”
But if you ask me, she’s crazy in the head.
She makes me nervous, she makes me squirm,
She says, “All teachers must be firm.”

She always calls on me when I don’t raise my hand,
So I answer her in ways that she can’t understand.
She says, “What is the answer to number two?”
I say, “Ock nock ditty wok, dickie pickie poo.”
She says, “Don’t be funny, you’d better get it right.”
I say, “Shimmie, Gimmie Galla Gillie, tacky ticky tite.”

She never lets us laugh, she never lets us smile,
“Wipe that grin off your face, you’re acting just like a child.”
It’s, “work, work, work–no late papers today.”
She’s tired of excuses and yells at us all day.
She doesn’t like children, she doesn’t like kids,
Likes only regulations and you know I never did.

I never see her laughing, she’s so strict,
She never believes me when I say I’m feeling sick.
She doesn’t think it’s funny when I fall off my chair,
And everybody knows that she’s really unfair.
She can’t understand me and I’ve got it made;
But I know she really loves me ’cause I’m still in first grade

This is one sad little orange…

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This one took a while…

-C

This all comes back to people not knowing the difference between your and you’re when they send emails and post comments online.  I see what’s on TV these days, and it all adds up.

When I watch Rock of Love (or Flavor of Love for that matter, now into its third season), I can’t help but think that somewhere out there is a pre-teen girl, already BritneyNicoleParisized into thinking “I have to be hot, dumb, and willing to degrade myself and backstab other dumb girls if I ever want to land a washed up recording artist and get my hands on some money.”  They eat this shit up, and not for the right reasons.

The article below also references some research stating that one in 5 Americans polled thinks that the Sun revolves around the Earth, and that most people who don’t know these kinds of basic things arrogantly defend themselves by explaining that they don’t need to know things like that.  There’s also some commentary about how any politician who dares to embrace this subject of American dumbness will be quickly labeled an elitist.

“The mind of this country, taught to aim at low objects, eats upon itself.” Ralph Waldo Emerson offered that observation in 1837, but his words echo with painful prescience in today’s very different United States. Americans are in serious intellectual trouble — in danger of losing our hard-won cultural capital to a virulent mixture of anti-intellectualism, anti-rationalism and low expectations.

From today’s Washington Post. Click here to read more.

-C

The Opster took a trip with me down to DC this weekend. I have a love-hate relationship with D.C., but lately I seem to be more and more drawn to it (in the same way I was drawn to Baltimore back in 2003). They say we’re always seeking greener pastures. While I can’t just up and move, due mostly to military obligations, I’m looking into the future to see where I’ll be when I’m 30.

On Friday night, the venue was Chi Cha, a lounge-type-place on U street… dimly lit, full of couches and curtains, loud houseish techno music with no lyrics, and lots of overpriced liquor. My friend Kevin, who recently relocated to San Diego to pursue his dream job, was back in town, and I presume this was one of the many D.C. establishments he used to represent Red Bull to. While it’s never really my scene, It’s always good to get fresh perspectives… it helps you define your own tastes. What’s cool about northwest is that there will be swanky clubs and lounges on one street, and dive-style (not dive-priced) bars with “stuff” on the walls. Many are historic, many just opened (and will not be open for long), but the variety is great. It takes the much more diverse populous of greater Washington to fuel this kind of variety, and that’s something Baltimore can’t touch.

On a side note, I ran into my sophomore year chemistry lab partner. He’s a friend of a brother of a high school friend of mine, and we seem to cross paths once every 2 years.

Mike was gracious enough to allow O.P. and me to crash in Rockville. He had an unusually long walk through Mike’s building to relieve himself, but he dealt with it like a champ.

Before leaving Rockville, I figured I would take advantage of the taxpayers of my former county of residence and hit up the new rockville dog park. O.P. had never been to a dog park before, and neither had I. They segregate the dogs by weight. In the 25 lbs. and under side, there was another puggle, a 7 month female named Zoe. There were also three Westies, a cockerspaniel, and a 4 month old English Bulldog named Lucy. Lucy and O.P. wrestled for 30 minutes. Despite our best efforts to push the brawl into the grass, both dogs immediately took it back to the mud, and proceeded to get absolutely filthy. They must have done this 8 or 10 times… I wonder if they prefer the mud because it’s softer and smoother than the grass, and thus more comfortable to get tackled in. I have met a few English bulldogs in my travels around Baltimore, and this was the first one I saw as a baby. She snorted and wobbled around like her elders, but everything was miniaturized and abbreviated. I think English bulldogs might be my 2nd favorite breed, though they are a lot more fun when they are pups. Someone at Riverside park once told me that you have to wipe an English Bulldog’s butt for him, because he can’t bend far enough to clean himself. O.P. had a blast, ran around for an hour, and thus slept like a log for the rest of the day.

To get to James’ house from Rockville, you have to take Clara Barton Parkway and Canal Road, which might be in the top ten most fun roads to drive in the D.C. area. (I feel another new website coming on…)

On Saturday night I watched a comedy show at George Washington University. (More details on the comedian to be added later) Big ups to James for organizing it, and to Jimmy for allegedly introducing James to said comic. James, Jimmy, Brian, Wilson, Lindsay and I hit the town after the show. We started at “Lucy’s Lion” or “Leah’s Lion” or something like that, a burger joint crammed into a teeny tiny two story rowhouse near the GW campus. We then walked to Wilson’s bar of choice… the names all escape me, but I guess that means it was a good night. As it turned out, we ended up on the exact same block I was on the night before with Kevin et al. After hopping around a bit, Jimmy and I enjoyed big pizza, and we all hopped a cab back to Georgetown.

On another side note, I ran into a guy named Ben who used to live on my floor freshmen year. On the first night of college, he was running down the hall, screaming, with a laundry basket on his head. We both recognized each other… he said “Chris?” and I said… “Pete?”, to which he replied “no, Ben!”. It was embarassing. I should have just said “DUDE!”, and all would have been well.

O.P. can withstand a trip to D.C. in the car now, without losing his lunch, which is a progression from the last time he traveled.

-C

After a CCN client asked me if she could pay her invoice with paypal, I realized I hadn’t setup a paypal account for my business yet.   After looking into all the options, I was able to add a payment button that allows the client to enter their invoice number and payment amount on my website, and then complete the transaction on paypal, even if they don’t have an account.

This is pretty neat, because now my business accepts credit cards, and although I use paypal to receive the payment, the process is pretty simple for a novice computer user to pay.  It’s just like buying something on Amazon.com or ebay.

Neato.

-C

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